Nowhere to go but back to sleep..
What happens if you run out of places to run to? I think I heard apologies mumbled behind me, but when I turned around she was looking the other way. Doesn’t matter much anyway, it was too late for that. The people she told how much she wanted me out had already broken me the news and made sure they included what a nuisance I was to have around, and that I made the whole place a mess with my filthy clothes. Oh what a pig I had been, the whole place smelled because of me, cause I never wash myself and never change clothes. I will never be able to keep my own place without it going to hell in a matter of weeks. I could disagree with each statement and explain how and why, but it would only sound ike I’m making excuses and second, I don’t need to. The people in question don’t know a flying FUCK of what they are saying. They don’t know jack shit about me, no matter how much they think they do. I’m sure calling me a sorry excuse of a human being and telling me to fucking change Right Now requires too much focus to notice I had in fact showered and changed that same day, as a first thing when I came home, like I do every time.
Whatever. It is possible to ignore such things still and focus on getting the hell out of there. We have to start over looking for a place, cause the people we had a deal with simply aren’t returning our calls, or even picking up the phone. (though, I was told that my friend and I never called, and that we are just lying our asses off and taking advantage of the people around us) Damn shame, it was a great place. So now I’m almost desperately looking for a new place, spending my days in Gent. But I’m running out of places to sleep now. Yesterday my stepsister let me know it’s a warzone at home again, this time about my sister. Her friend who was there at the time was told "to get the hell out and take advantage off someone else". For the first time since a very long time (if ever) I’m actually afraid to go home. I don’t want to face how broken our family is. It can’t be ignored anymore. I told my friend yesterday and she said "I don’t know what to say that would make it any better". That’s the most painful part: it won’t get any better. It’ll only get worse.