Nowhere to go but back to sleep..

What happens if you run out of places to run to? I think I heard apologies mumbled behind me, but when I turned around she was looking the other way. Doesn’t matter much anyway, it was too late for that. The people she told how much she wanted me out had already broken me the news and made sure they included what a nuisance I was to have around, and that I made the whole place a mess with my filthy clothes. Oh what a pig I had been, the whole place smelled because of me, cause I never wash myself and never change clothes. I will never be able to keep my own place without it going to hell in a matter of weeks. I could disagree with each statement and explain how and why, but it would only sound ike I’m making excuses and second, I don’t need to. The people in question don’t know a flying FUCK of what they are saying. They don’t know jack shit about me, no matter how much they think they do. I’m sure calling me a sorry excuse of a human being and telling me to fucking change Right Now requires too much focus to notice I had in fact showered and changed that same day, as a first thing when I came home, like I do every time.
 
Whatever. It is possible to ignore such things still and focus on getting the hell out of there. We have to start over looking for a place, cause the people we had a deal with simply aren’t returning our calls, or even picking up the phone. (though, I was told that my friend and I never called, and that we are just lying our asses off and taking advantage of the people around us) Damn shame, it was a great place. So now I’m almost desperately looking for a new place, spending my days in Gent. But I’m running out of places to sleep now. Yesterday my stepsister let me know it’s a warzone at home again, this time about my sister. Her friend who was there at the time was told "to get the hell out and take advantage off someone else". For the first time since a very long time (if ever) I’m actually afraid to go home. I don’t want to face how broken our family is. It can’t be ignored anymore. I told my friend yesterday and she said "I don’t know what to say that would make it any better". That’s the most painful part: it won’t get any better. It’ll only get worse.
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One response

  1. Kwinten

    Yup, it was an excuse that was murmured behind you.But she was afraid to look you in the eyes.She feels guilty and knows that what she said and did was based on a false conclusion.She wishes she could undo the thing she did, for it was a lack of understanding in our current situation (maybe better called shituation…) that has made this little thing to blow of the lid and leading to the eruption you suffered.It was not her words that came out of the mouths of those who claimed to speak for her.Now, more than ever we need a place to stay, sleep and live.Somewhere to be who we want to be and not feeling resented for it.You can\’t change the situation over there, but that musn\’t stop you from searching for a better future.Somewhere else.We will find a way.We have to.\’cause no one else will do it for us.And people talking shit about you illustrate the fact they don\’t know you.For example, Wednesday night.We went out for a drink with people you hardly knew.That same day you got a guitar from them and you were accepted and respected as a long time friend.I think this illustrates how other people, without their own head up their ass, relate to you.Like me;I don\’t know where i\’d been if it wasn\’t for the support from my friends.And you are one of them, you understand, better than anyone, what i\’m going through.Another fine example what kind of person you are.Soon we will have our own safe-haven, and we will rule it!!Just focus on that.Take carexkwintjex

    31 July 2005 at 04:40

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