The better life.
It’s odd how I only feel like rambling when I’m feeling sorry for myself. Seriously, Things have been looking up for the last week or so and all of a sudden I stop writing. ‘We noticed how humans define their surroundings by the misery they’re in’, a computer program once said in a movie. 3 points if you can guess which one.
So that’s where I am now. A careful optimism grows.
Friends asked me who the hell I was and what I’d done with Maarten. I noticed before I was changing somehow, now my friends are starting to see it as well. I don’t know where it comes from and which way it’ll go, but there’s not much I can do about it so I’m just enjoying the ride. I guess it’s about time, too. Being the antisocial cynic was cool and all, but it comes with a price. There were times when I got home, so sick and tired of staring eyes. Always those people, looking down on you, challenging you to glare back with a face saying "what are you looking at". They’re still staring, of course, but I care less. I’m too occupied with my own happy thoughts.
And oh yes, I turned 21 this week. Big party, all my friends invited, lots of music and dancing and sex. Ha ha. Yeah right. Nah, I just don’t see what the big deal is. If I really want to throw a party I’ll pick the date myself thankyouverymuch. I’m still the same kid I was last week and I refuse to act any different because the system demands I should celebrate this glorious day on which nothing at all changes and children still starve and we’re still bent over and abused.
My girlfriend however (I still have the disgusting habit of calling her my ex but I’m working on that) managed, as always, to make it a pretty special occasion. For further details you’ll have to pay €8/minute. To be honest I wasn’t at all looking forward to it, mostly because it’d be my first birthday in 5 or 6 years I’d have without her. Eventually every bit of excitement it brought, came from her. She can do that, don’t ask me how.