I worked 4 days in a row this week, crazy shifts as usual. I hurt, I bleed, I ache, I bleed some more, I’m on the brink of extinction. I’ve been feeding on candy and whatever flavors of sugar were provided, and almost no real food. I’ve hardly had any fluids at all, and sleep has become a rarity. I had to leave my last job early because I was about to collapse, luckily my colleagues understood. Some do cocaine or speed to stay on their feet but I don’t do drugs. Call it purism, straight-edge, I don’t care, I just don’t.
But I’m not complaining. I did well this week. Time to put it on hold now and concentrate on the trip to Norway. I’m still not anywhere near ready.
Infinately more insulting than not being wanted somewhere because of who you are, is someone, supposedly someone who accepts and respects you, is ashamed of you. Yeah yeah yeah, reasons, reasons, excuses and more. I’ve heard them all. You’re not like that and you really do like me for who ever, or Whatever I am, it’s just that… and so on. Hours at a time they could talk, apologize, and reason about how and why. But What It Comes Down To, is that they’re ashamed. Not nescessarily because of my looks or beliefs, but that doesn’t make it any less painful. ‘You should leave, my parents will be home soon and I’ll get comments over dinner again.’ ‘I love you but please don’t tell my friends you’re with me.’ Yeah sure. Anything else? "Hello my name is Maarten and I’m not really his friend, just someone who believes so so he could make fun of me behind my back. I’ll be going now so I don’t jeopardize his MotherFucking popularity. There’s some of my spleen left in the freezer if you’re hungry."
"No no, it’s not like that at all, I’m not like that." It’s exactly like that and so are you.
Oh boo our subscription for Eos magazine has expired. Eos is a scientific magazine working closely together with Scientific American (can I get a "NERD"). So shoot me, I’m interested in science. A lot of the crap I tell to look interesting comes from that magazine. Did you know rats laugh when tickled in the neck? And that a bridge has a certain ‘frequency’ and if engineers don’t take it into account, the bridge collapses by itself at the slightest bit of wind? And um, that laser sattelites that could theoretically burn you to death, are up in the sky right now, used to bring down nucleair missiles? Besides, as indie music lovers all know: Science + Music = Sexy. And indie music lovers are always right, except about Depeche Mode.
It’s a good read. Just about the only reading I’ve done the last couple years. And now our subscription has expired. Oh no, my poor lonesome brain…
After I got my computer reformatted and working, believe it or not, my screen acts up. It now ignores any settings you put into it, and displays the input so wide that the edges disappear. After hours of trying to figure out how to fix it I discovered that it can be temporarily fixed by… hitting it. At first, anyway. Now it’s safe to say nothing works anymore and it’s ready for the trash.
It is frightening to think that technology like this is supposed to keep planes in the air and nukes on the ground.