"Scorpios are thus capable of the greatest heights of passionate transport, but debauchery and perversion are always dangers, and they can become sadistic monsters of sensuality and eroticism."
And don’t you forget it.
Horoscopes are strange things. Even a convinced non-believer like me is often impressed by the apparent accuracy of these character descriptions. However, I don’t think their real power lies within actual prediction, but more in our subconsciousness. That is just as, if not more, intriguing as the faerie tale of being able to "read stars", since it reveals something in our psyche that we are so unaware of, that we really do believe these things are real. I can imagine this can go much further than just "hey, that’s true, I really am a sexual sadist."
The little project that my friend and myself started is finally getting finished. It turned out as I originally hoped it would but I’m starting to doubt if it really was such a great idea. Not that I’m going to call it off, but realizing there’s many flaws in my earlier reasoning tempered the excitement somewhat. But hey, it’s the thought that counts, right?
I know very well that it sounds like a pretty lame idea to start with (again, I will post details later), but it’s a fun passtime and I was sort of hoping that the people involved would appreciate it more than I’m expecting. It’s no big deal, anyway, I just find my fun in small things I guess.
Being back in Belgium, I’m slowly starting to get used to the staring again. Little girls telling their mothers "mommy look at that strange boy" and old ladies holding their purse close when I’m around. Fuck. You would think that people have some decency or at least Some Fucking Respect, but hell no, don’t count on it. So I just glare back and they quickly look the other way. And I, poor idealist soul, I’m hoping I contributed to their narrow vision of the world around them, and if not, at least ruined their fricken’ day.
I used to have colored contact lenzes. My god, did I love them. I bought them in kind of an impulse purchase, but those must have been one of my best buys so far. I merely had to look somebody in the eyes to see them go from "what the hell?" to "please stop looking at me please stop looking at me.." in a second or two. Yellow eyes don’t look too friendly, they even spooked my girlfriend in bed. Which I sort of liked.
But yes, I do choose for this. I prefer it this way, rather than blending in with what only seems like a grey mass to me. It’s not That terrible, it’s just not what I prefer. My attitude keeps the shallow, narrow-minded herds far away from me, where I like them. People who think they can judge my character by looks, don’t have anything new to tell me, anyway.
I’ve been called scum, trash, I’ve heard it all. More than once I’ve been in a discussion that starts and ends with the other trying to tell me what a low-life I am. They seem to be unaware that I happen to know myself just a tad better than them. Usually their goal is just to insult me because my looks offend them. Which, from my perspective, is great. Usually I respond things that make them think I am a sadistic, no-good punk who just wants to shit on everything. If they believe this, they will spend the next 15 minutes worried sick about modern youth. With is just great for me.
People will always try to change you. You say "I don’t drink", and they will try to make you drink. Seriously, they don’t stop trying until you "have a taste". If they see you’re not dressed like them, they will try to figure out why the hell not. Is it a political statement? Are you an anarchist? What music do you think is punk? What’s the deal with that hair of yours? Unwilling to see that you really don’t care and you just want to look like how You Want To. For some reason, that is simply unacceptable. Sometimes, I wish I could just feed them their own staring eyes. Sometimes they can all go to hell.