Remember, remember.

After spending (a full!) 21 years learning what’s clever things to do, and more importantly, what’s not, I seem to be making a sport out of ignoring those life lessons. Saying things I know will get me in trouble, letting my sister take my video camera to school, that sort of stuff. Right now, I’m sort of sitting here, waiting for it to backfire in my face and up my nose. I know better, but I do it anyway.


I went to see ‘V for vendetta’ with some friends this week. In short, nice movie, if it wasn’t for the Wachowski bros’ typical endless milking of the theme. Sometimes it’s more fun not to fill in the blanks, you know. Imagination has the advantage that everyone has their own perfect version of it and none of them can be matched by pictures.

So yeah, it was an entertaining movie, but little more than that. Of course I liked the philosophy, but to me, there’s nothing new about it. I did love the symbolism of things, though. The smiling mask, the lack of a face underneath, the roses, I’m betting even the blades have some significance. But frankly I’m just too lazy to figure it out.

When you link fiction to reality, it’s absurdly easy to create and "find" irony, symbolism, and patterns. Someone wrote something about the devil, and you steal its context to glorify it in the killing of a priest. Nothing to it, there’s an endless amount of such "underground and mysterious" concepts, quotes and ideas, waiting to be captured and raped.

Linking reality to itself and finding those same ironic, symbolic and repeating events, is much more difficult. They’re there, but they’re much harder to discover since you can’t make them up. It takes research and curiosity, or a insatiable obsession to prove a point, like Michael Moore.

The same goes for undertaken actions. If I had his moves, I’d probably be doing what he does. That is, if it is as easy as it looked. Situations like one man starting a revolution and gigantic protests without vandalism or aggression are very nice, but surreal. In reality no one would want to walk in the front when there’s a shitload of special forces, locked, loaded, and aiming for your face. I don’t kid myself, we’d have to be far worse off before I’d be willing to die for ideals, and I’m sure that goes for most of us. 

I spent a short while on all sides. I lived in a squat for some time, I was in the army, and now I’m pretty much nothing at all but minding my own business. Living in struggle is very romantic. Protests, fights,… Striving for ideals bigger than yourself is a great concept to feed one’s ego with and make movies about, but only a few actually think of that ideal to be bigger than themselves. It’s not fear that’s stopping the others at this moment, it’s indifference. Just like me, everyone sort of minds his own business and doesn’t care about the war that’s being held 3 to 4 times a week between the police and anarchist squatters.

Ideals are carried with you, like the red A on my vest and the fact that I’ll be called upon when a medic is needed in Kosovo (that’s a major if). They only surface when both fear and indifference are overcome, and that requires both confrontation and courage.

‘V for vendetta’ is both fictional and surrealistic. I can’t imagine everyday families risking their lives, only to plunge their country into chaos. Chaos governs change, and both go hand in hand. That’s why change frightens people too, by the way.

It all holds relevance, because it’s all potentially possible. Constantly, freedom is being traded for security. Where it ends, no one can tell. It depends on the hidden, collective ideals of us all, and the events triggering us to be brave enough to demand change.


Another film this week: Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind! Wonderful movie, in fact,  much better than ‘V for vendetta’. I’ll bet my liver that movie is Packed with symbolism, too, but I just didn’t notice. I did see one little thing, though: The ice represented their relationship, and how he was afraid to go further, scared that it might "break", while she walked unafraid but didn’t want to go on without him. You could see where the ice had cracked before, but they didn’t notice.

Jim Carey didn’t do too bad acting his first "serious" character in his career, but I think they could have found a better guy for it. Then again, the movie might have lost a lot of its magic if they would have. I like Jim Carey. Funny guy, off screen even more than on.

The movie shows both the up- and downsides of a relationship, and I could relate to many things that were said. Wonderful movie. See it if you haven’t already. Not as good as Snatch or Ghost in the shell, though. See those first.


It’s been ages since I last did drugs. That changed this week, but to be honest, if this was the last time in my life, I wouldn’t be sorry. I didn’t enjoy it quite as much as I used to; mostly it just felt uncomfortable. The effect was far more than I’d expected, seems like I really was addicted in that sense, back at boarding school.

I’ve kept the experimentation with hard rugs to an absolute minimum, for obvious reasons, but I used to smoke pot every night, so I would be calm by the time we went to sleep. It was a daily routine, and necessary in order to calm down. Not because we were on drugs, but because you just need a way to vent when you’re living in that godforsaken place.. When holidays came and I could go home, I caught myself wondering where I would get pot from now. It’s then that I realized I’d better quit altogether. I didn’t have that much trouble with it, so in that sense, I don’t think I ever really was addicted. I didn’t go "cold turkey" and I never regretted anything, still don’t.

I’m not particularly proud of it and I’m sure as hell not encouraging anyone to do the same. I do encourage people to experiment however, and that’s what my friend wanted to do, so we all went on a field trip to Holland and got so fucking high we couldn’t remember which way was up (although I sure as hell could remember which was down).

So now she knows how it is, and I got to remember how it was. After this, I think I won’t be doing any more soon, if at all. I think I’m just too much of a control freak for it. It was fun for a while, but it lasted way too long. In fact I wasn’t fully back to my senses until 24 hours later, and my friend still isn’t back to her usual self.

For the record, no, we didn’t smoke. I’m not That lightweight.


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