With kids like me, yelling won’t help. Neither will threatening, punishing, or begging. It’s way too late for that, it should have been done years ago.
I’m saying "kids like me" because I’m not talking about myself this time, but about my sister. My father failed to raise the both of us, and now he has to face consequences. We don’t respect him, let alone listen to him. He’s yelling, threatening, punishing and begging, but it’s too little, too late. My sister is following in my footsteps, failing school just like I did. I had a talk with her and told her she’d end up like me, but it only worked for a short time.
We’re not wired that way. When we’re facing a task we don’t want to do, we don’t try to work out how we can get it over with, we look for a way around it. Always. So when my sister has to study for her exams, she will do just like I did, and try and figure out ways how she can still go out, and not study. The only effect that has are bad grades, but that’s only numbers on a sheet of paper and tomorrow’s problem anyway. Today, we’re going out!
The reason why we think that way is because we can. At least could, because now we’re burdened with a thing called responsibility. No one ever really checked out grades, no one told us to go to bed at night, or eat with knife and fork. No one was ever around, so we just did as we pleased. We’ve become quite skilled at avoiding consequences, using lies and deceit. I like to think I’ve grown out of that behavior (although I could be wrong), but she’s still at it, adding to the distance between us and our father.
It’s 4am and our family is about to roll into its next crisis. Everyone is up and fighting. I have to start paying for eating at the same table, and my sister has to announce her plans to go out tonight either an hour in advance so she can be scolded and make false promises, or on the exact moment the door is closing behind her. My stepmother is having convenient migraine attacks, and my stepsister comes and goes as she likes and throws parties for kids 3 years older than her the moment my parents are out of the house again. My father, well… I’m not going to open his book. I’m not That pissed.
Ladies and Gents, the house I grew up in.
Work has increased so explosively I’m pretty much caught by surprise. Not that I mind, I love my work. But it has had quite an impact on my personal life, too.
The good part about it is that I’m home less, and that I’m slowly getting "less broke". It would help of course if I spent a little less, but hey my addictions don’t pay for themselves, you know.
The not-so-good part, however, is that the little time I have left is unequally divided between me and my girlfriend. She gets most of it, even though I’m rather fond of my time alone. We’ve had quite a few arguments about it and although it has calmed down somewhat, the problem still exists: she wants us to see each other more, I want us to see each other less. I took the weekend off to be with her, but now she has to study and she can’t come over before 8 o’clock tonight. So she still insists I drop by when I get home in the week, getting pissed when I rather play games at the cyber cafe (why are cyber cafes never actually used for cybering?) or sit with a friend and talk about absolutely nothing, instead of wanting to tell her how my day went and listening to hers.
I love her and I love spending time with her, but the daily scene about me not going straight to her place when I’m done working, isn’t really motivating me to do exactly that. And the circle is round.
The most perceptive among us already noticed I update my "own life" spewings during the weekends. Last week I skipped a beat, because I was in Paris at the time.
A friend of mine told me she was going to Paris with a bunch of people, and asked if I didn’t want to come along. In case I hadn’t mentioned, one of my earlier mentioned addictions is getting out of Belgium. It didn’t take me a lot of thinking to reach a decision. That sort of pissed off my girlfriend a bit, since it’s the 3rd time in 6 months I’m going away without her. So after some last-minute arrangements she came along. The youth hostel (les 3 canards) we were staying at was fully booked by then, so she and I had to sleep in one bed. Not comfortable, so after the first night we threw 2 mattresses on the floor and slept on those.
It wasn’t my personal preference, but there were 11 of us and the majority just wanted to go and play tourist for the 3 days we were there, so I just skitted along. Eiffel tower, Notre Dame, Sacre Coeur, and that big-ass graveyard with Jim Morrison, Edith Piaf, and that English writer who died in prison because he was gay (he must have loved it there), we saw it all. Some were boring, some were stunning, all in all a great 3 days. Not because of the views and certainly not because of the weather, but mainly because of the group we were with.
You couldn’t imagine a more heterogeneous group. There was a 36-year old ADHD kid, a guy who lost function in his right foot and hand in an accident, but could still walk, a hyper little fat girl, the list goes on. Everyone made their contribution to the group, too. The hyper girl had an indestructible optimism, the limping guy (no pun intended) knew certain spots in Paris, even I could help out with my experience with fitting backpacks and reading maps. I was useful!
It was great seeing us hop around in Paris, getting along so easily.
Open your mouth about idealistic advertisements with anorexic models to my girlfriend, and prepare for a small tirade, losing your nose and some hair in the process. It’s her good right, but I happen to disagree with it.
Darwin spelled it out for us: It’s called sexual selection. Men dig thin girls because they have the time to work out and spend effort on staying thin, and healthy, therefor make good mothers for their offspring. Also, these women Make time, showing that they want to look good for men, so men can expect a certain sexual submission (work with me here).
Society’s overall vision of the perfect woman dictates these advertisements’ content, not the other way around. Companies, including sex-and-other magazines, are often blamed for girls suffering from anorexia nervosa or a severe inferiority complex, but in my opinion, these companies are merely a display of a problem rooted far more deeply.
Some girls are not attractive. This is purely by chance (unless you managed to fuck yourself up by smoking or drugs, in which case, meh) so it is unfair for them to have to suffer because of it. Which brings us to another earlier mentioned, fucked up fact: Life isn’t fair. I wish I had a normally functioning brain, but like not meeting society’s beauty standards, it’s something I have to live with.
The real problem is simply the fact that men have a sexual preference. This preference, and the need for something to answer to it, leads to multiple companies exploiting it. H&M started a whole scene years ago because their models were too skinny, magazines are criticized time and time again because all their models look the same.
I think, if we really want to solve the problem, we should handle it very differently. But as far as I know, there’s little we can do about it. Men are Weak and women are no different. They buy at clothing shops because they want to look like the models on those posters, and men buy dirty mags to get some serotonin into their system, or to get something else out. It’s our weakness and we know it very well, utilizing it to influence each other.