Archive for June, 2006

Tempting faith

Hee hee these internet quizzes can be so amusing. Besides that, I’m also Chuck Norris, an axe murderer (OJ Simpson) and I know my gangsta lingo better than Mr. dogg himself.

Chuck Norris is damn cool.

 

Quad bikes are expensive, impractical, unstable monsters, a cross breed between a small car and a motorbike, inheriting all disadvantages and no advantages from both. And I fucking want one.

Seriously. Prices on eBay vary from 3,500 euro to 9,000 and more, and I still want one. I’ve been wanting one since I was twelve, but I’m actually considering buying one right now. I found a shop that takes spread payments, so I actually could.

Should I? Shouldn’t I? I already have a monthly fee to my father, and my job isn’t exactly very secure, especially during winters. There’s no way I can keep my unemployment income until the thing is fully paid for (4 years from now max), so I might have to pick up a "real" job on the way. Then again, having my own transportation would allow me to get jobs independently of a driver.

I’m fearing I have become the materialist I’ve been warning people about. Then again, I can’t possibly keep up the situation that I’m in, so I’ll have to adapt some time. This would also mean no travelling anytime soon, and no other crazy "let’s just do it dude" ideas. But it would be a childhood dream come true, so why shouldn’t I? I think I’m just going to drop all this bullshit and just, go for it.

 

Several times a week I find myself thinking, ‘relationships are just not my thing.’ I have never had any complaints about being a good friend or not, but when it comes to being a boyfriend, lord do I suck. I’m way too practical to be romantic, too macho to go and say "I miss you" even when I do, and too fond of my own time to actually miss someone as fast as she misses me.

I only really had 3 relationships in my life, 2 of which are hardly worth mentioning. Qua amount of time, anyway; I don’t mean to say the girls themselves aren’t. The only one that has lasted longer than 2 months, being 4 years (holy fucking yikes), is the one I’m in at the moment, and it groans and rattles all over. I’m an arrogant asshole and she’s a demanding control freak.

It’s damn hard not to take a lover for granted. As with many things, you only really realize what you have, once it’s gone. Or, you tend to overestimate it until you have it again. To be honest I’m inclined to believe the second.

There was this girl some time ago who remotely suggested to hit the sack with her when I was with my current girlfriend. I told her no of course, cursing my own damn monogamous convictions.  I was told to be honest with my girlfriend and tell her about it (Thanks a Lot for that, by the way), so now she’s still dealing with it, throwing it at my head whenever appropriate or not. It was only recently that I spit back at her that I wasn’t I who slept with someone else when we were apart.

It’s been over 6 months, and still it fucking bothers me that she slept with that shit. Not that I wouldn’t have fucked the prettier half of Belgium’s female population and some of the uglier ones out of curiosity if I had the chance, but my lacking social skills sort of got in the way there. But still, she pisses about me "hanging around girls who tried to fuck me", but she still hangs around the guy she actually fucked repeatedly. All that shit about "I never really enjoyed it" or even the attempts towards "he wasn’t as good as you" only sound like empty excuses to me.

If things get better once her exams are done (I’m giving it that much slack), I don’t see any reason why I wouldn’t stay with her for the rest of my life. I’d regret only having slept with one girl, but nothing I can’t get over. If it were up to me (as opposed to my weak male mind) I’ll stay monogamous until the day I die. In my opinion, staying true to your partner easily surpasses the cheap thrills of sex.

Relationship problems, the only ones not bothered by them are either extremely lucky or lonely. I manage to take them to a new level, mainly because of the inconsiderate asshole I suppose I am.

Advertisements

Self-medication

This month, all our problems will be solved. That’s right, it all goes up from here. Work will finally roll in like it should, summer arrives, and Rock Werchter begins. If I were a kitty I’d purr all day long.

However! I’ll have to wait until the end of the month. Because in the mean while, my girlfriend is smack in the middle of exams.

Yeees, the finals are here. After failing and leaving school the year I turned 18, it still haunts me through the people I love. That’s how dirty they fight. "Last exam was really difficult but my friend called and we comforted each other and now I’m studying this class and it’s going pretty well except for that chapter. I’m not boring you, am I?"

-"Noooo… I could listen to this all day, please go on."

-"Okay, well,…"

I swear, I’m going to thank heavens when she graduates. But hey she’s the one stressing about it and I have to play good bitch-I mean boyfriend, and be here for her. 24/7 if possible.

 

American soldiers killed Iraqi citizens! Oh me, oh my! How is this Possible!? Who the shit didn’t see this coming??

Living in an environment where you can count on nothing, and nothing is holy, makes you a sadistic bastard. I’ve seen it twice, in boarding school, and in the military. In neither people were killed (only bunnies), but that doesn’t mean both situations could eventually make you go mad.

In boarding school, we got 15 minutes off from studying, because the year was almost through and practically no one had work to do. 15 minutes, yay. Someone had forced the lock of the nearby school’s gym and we were soon raiding the place. A few friends and I found it cool to jump at the basketball hoops and pull ourselves up on them, to prove how much of a man we really were. There was a fat girl with us, who we provoked into trying the same. She couldn’t jump higher than 2 cm, so she shoved a bench under. Not wanting to break a leg by landing on the bench again if she’d miss, she put it a little out of the way and jumped from there.

Of course, she missed, losing her balance in mid-air, and landing on her ass. Not wanting to break her tailbone or whatever she set her hands and landed on them… breaking both wrists. I looked beside me and saw my friend, who was sort of staring with his mouth open. Not because he was shocked, but because he was laughing so hard he had run out of breath. We spent the following 10 minutes on our knees, trying to come to enough to get some help, but when she went "oh my god I can’t move my hand!", showing it stuck into position, we gave up.

Of course it isn’t representative for the whole line, but I think it shows nicely what people nice, innocent children turn out to be. I’m really not kidding, here: follow that trend in a hostile, violent surrounding, under pressure from Washington to come up with results, in an alien world where you’re not welcome at all. It’s really no surprise what so ever that soldiers actually go and do such things. Of course, it’s a horrible thing, but it’s still a fact and as far as I’m concerned, it should have been expected all along.

 

After working the night through, I went to bed around 8 in the morning on Saturday. Despite of how tired I was, I haven’t slept this lousily in months. I woke up at 6 in the afternoon and by 11pm I was ready for bed again. Now I woke up at 4 in the morning, after sleeping just as bad, and I have a pounding headache. Sunks big hairy donkey balls because I have to go to Gent today and arrange the payments for some random stuff I bought on eBay for a handful of change.

I think I’m sick, I don’t know. I do know I hate, I fucking detest it when there’s something wrong with me and I don’t know what. The dreams I’m having are the kind that have you wake up every hour, and feature images that make you question your sanity. I don’t really feel sick, though, except for the headache. Maybe it’s something I ate. Fuckit, I wish it would just stop.

 

Tuesday is a very special day!

rev 13:18 Here is wisdom. Let him that hath understanding count the number of the beast: for it is the number of a man; and his number [is] Six hundred threescore [and] six.

rev 14:6 And I saw another angel fly in the midst of heaven, having the everlasting gospel to preach unto them that dwell on the earth, and to every nation, and kindred, and tongue, and people,

rev 14:7 Saying with a loud voice, Fear God, and give glory to him; for the hour of his judgment is come: and worship him that made heaven, and earth, and the sea, and the fountains of waters.

rev 14:8 And there followed another angel, saying, Babylon is fallen, is fallen, that great city, because she made all nations drink of the wine of the wrath of her fornication.

That’s right, boys ‘n girls! Tuesday is the sixth day of the sixth month of the sixth year. And what does that mean!? That’s right, we get a visitor! This era, we will have a man coming over, who calls himself the beast! He’s a very special man, and he’ll bring us some very special gifts.

And the day after, we’ll have 4 people coming to visit us. They work closely together, and their names are illness, hunger, war and death! That’s right, and they will tell us about what they do for a living, and show us the neat stuff they can do.

Wu Ha ha! Rejoice, emo suicidals and satanists alike! For this week, is the end of the world. The horsemen of the apocalypse will ride our mortal earth and spread disease, hunger, war and death. Be nice to them and you’ll die quickly. Show a lack of spine and expect to suffer till the last.

It’s wonderful how we can redicule all this in our arrogance, making a joke out of it because we don’t believe a word of it. Well I don’t, anyway. I’m sure I’ll change my mind once the world comes to an end. Don’t worry, oh ye creationist Chistian, I’ll go to hell for it. Ha, ha.