Nowhere to go but back to sleep…

Sorry but this is turning out to be a diary entry.
 
My father had a friend, a divorced mother of two. A very active woman, friend of many and always busy with something.
A few months ago her house burned down while she was at a music festival with my parents. She came home to a house in ashes.
 
Insurance only covered part of her loss, and the financial blow was a hard one. Friends however, and in particular my father, jumped into action for her and organized two benefit parties for support. She could rent a home from the OCMW at minimal cost and friends were all around her to guide and help her. Despite this, she quickly sunk into a depression.
 
Despite all the help, all the friends ready for her, her two children and the possibility to recover from this, she took her own life on december 28th.
 
I just don’t get it, I can’t get my head around it. I recognised symptoms of her depression very early and thought to myself she better watch out with it, but I never thought she would be capable of doing this. It’s easy to say it’s a coward act, instead of facing things and take responsibility for the love and care given to her. But to drive this lively, optimistic woman to this, I’ll be fucked but I just can’t imagine the situation she must have been in. No one seems to; everyone is godsmacked and just, stunned at how this could happen.
 
 
They say suicides come in threes, and being told 15 minutes ago, I can imagine that very well. I knew here well but we were never really close. And right now, I feel like absolute shit. I don’t want to imagine how her closest friends are feeling, and I cincerely hope they will find comfort in eachother.
 
 
This is the first time I’ve seen this happen this close to me and the sheer horror of it gives me a bitter taste in the mouth. Death alone is such a major shock, and someone dear taking their own life, gets you off guard so much.
I’m way too confused to even try and write this down.
I hope she rests in peace and is taken care of, where ever. And I pray her family and friends will recover from this.
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One response

  1. Lisa

    *hugs*

    6 January 2007 at 05:44

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