The Stone Rolls On
Nothing can grab you by the balls like irony can. One moment you’re talking to your friend, in all your smug attitude explaining how you think you’ve made it in life because you can do anything you want and don’t have to do a thing you don’t. Two hours later, in the same friend’s face, you get a phone call. "One month and we tear your building down." Sweet fate why must you torment me so.
So! As I’m looking around, I see our kitchen, living room, veranda in the back (yes we have a veranda). Within another month all this will be rubble. Within a few years this will be industry, a truck factory. God that’s painful…
Anyhow. This leaves me with 25 days to go look for something else. Since the only option similar to my current situation is located in Brasschaat, which is near Antwerpen, I’m pretty much stuck. Either I will be renting (shudder) some tiny studio in or near town or squatting. And to be honest I’m pretty much done with squatting, it was nice and all when you have something to fall back on but since it’s been a few years I pretty much lost touch with the "scene".
As a good little boy who would sleep in the park before going back to knock at his parents’ door, I’ve been looking high and low for a new place. Internet, immo offices, neighborhood scanning.
"I am sorry, we don’t have anything in your price category."
For you it’s a home, a roof, for them it’s a "price category". They can go fuck themselves half a dozen time over. Either way, I’m screwed. I will have to give up a great portion of my aforementioned freedom that I’m so fond of, OR find some "alternative" way out. Stating the obvious, this sucks.
So will this be my first few steps towards a productive citizen life? Will I find happiness in getting a "real" place and a decent job to fund it? Or won’t I, and is this basically my fall into marginality? I used to look at certain people and feel my heart shrink. I don’t want to judge them but lonely as they are, making some cafe their home and ogling others from their usual table, I just couldn’t handle it. And now I get that same feeling, knowing that I’m on the edge of situations I won’t be able to return from. Our safety net is very forgiving but that doesn’t mean you can’t fall through.
Additionally, I’m close to being bankrupt. I Have roughly €1500 that was supposed to fund the plane Norway, the far east or the US. Might seem enough and it is, for -goddamn it what’s it called that you give your landlord and is returned when you leave the place intact- and the first month of rent. And then what? A girl’s got to eat, you know.
So, no more impulsive purchases, I may even sell a thing or two. Back to dry waffles and soluble tea. If there is one thing I’m good at, it’s saving cash. At least, I used to be.
I have had the privilege of feeling at home somewhere, for a couple months. It’s addictive, but whatever I do, it’s about to change once more. Where it will lead, I don’t know, but it will go fast. The urge to hide in a corner and hope it will blow over is almost overwhelming. I don’t want to leave. I don’t know where I will end up. I don’t know if I’m able to deal with this, try as I might. What’s more,
That doesn’t mean not going to meet this head on, however. For a little while it’s back to a "fuck you anyway" attitude that at least keeps a shell standing.
Got any info? Looking for a roomy? Drop me a note.
And fuck you.