It’s blue

I haven’t bothered to write lately because frankly, negative energy needs vented much more than positive does. But, here goes, for logging’s sake.

I just had the best week in an alarmingly long time. The main, if not the only reason, is the company I had. 2 American couchsurfers came to stay over for a day or 4, and in some strange manner I managed to cheer up vicariously through their presence. I went out with them every day to show them the city and hang out with my friends, which in turn allowed me to notice there’s actually a whole world out there.

It’s been so long, it’s hard to describe in which ways I missed the sun. I was reminded of who I once was so vividly, as the bunch of us sat, drank and talked nonsense. It hurt like a bitch, but in a good way, like muscle soreness after a thorough workout. Perhaps that’s just it: I’m rusty. This casual hanging out without looking over my shoulder to check for my ex is something that has grown out of me.

They’re just like me, I swear I couldn’t have chosen my own friends better (Nothing personal). Their company here felt as natural as it gets, and guess what else: They liked my house. They actually noticed the vast collection of trinkets I collected at work, which in itself they found “fucking awesome”. Finally someone who agrees on how goddamn hardcore my job really is. Ha.

They’ve left now, but their effect still lingers. Definitions have been changed in a matter of days and allow me to see things differently.
The city is back, bathed in sunlight. As if on queue, the weather has become freakishly hot for the time of year and summer seems to have kicked in early. Rather than having to search for them, opportunities to leave the house have presented themselves spontaneously, and continue to do so. I can’t really tell what has changed so much that I get to leave the house more often then not. I mean, the changes are obvious, but I can’t tell how much they’re affecting the situation. Perhaps the biggest issue is that I now want to get out, rather than consider it a necessity.

This post is jumbled, I know. I’m not used to writing positive things. I’ve been surprising myself repeatedly the past couple days. Just yesterday someone I don’t even know asked me to take a few pictures of the city for her, and I just… got up and went out. I had the sun in my eyes but unlike any other time, I didn’t take my cap- I wanted to feel the wind in my hair.

I can’t tell how long this will last and what the long-term effects will be. What I do know is that all this was way overdue. I had settled in my introverted state so much, that I forgot who I really was.

The Americans moved on, largely unaware of the effects in their wake. Which is good, I suppose, they wouldn’t care much to begin with. We did have brief talks about the pain we’ve all had to deal with at some point, and for once, my immediate reaction was not “You think you know, but you don’t.” They knew. We all know, by now. They brought the world back to me, so I can finally come to terms with it.

I think I’ll be alright.

There’s a South African girl I’m meeting tonight.
We’ll see how that goes.


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