It ain’t easy being single. My dishes aren’t getting done, my palms are empty and all my sweet sweet love is going to waste.
Nope, I still haven’t grown the nerve to address the opposite sex. But, at least I learned to live with it. I always say,
There’s two methods of handling a problem. Fixing, or coping.
And yes I do mean that seriously.

The shittiest thing is not having someone to dream of, or ponder about. I really need that: some comforting, soothing someone or something to think about when I have nothing else to consider.
Instead, I’m stuck with the concept of “ex-girlfriends”. Fucking, great.

We’re not talking anymore. I screwed up that bit, much against my expectations when it first began. I kind of have a double feeling about that: I didn’t mean to allow things to escalate this easily but god damnit, I am right. About what, I seriously don’t know but that’s not the point.
Still, I think it was worth it. That is to say; the brief relationship wasn’t worth the wrecked friendship, but the possibility of what could have been, definitely was. Near the end, I was really confident in our relationship and could see it continue for a very long time to come. I hadn’t had that vision of the future in an annoyingly long time. It may not have been worth the ending mere hours later, but it was worth the risk of such. Because that’s what you work with, right? Every relationship has the chance to end overnight, and you have to decide whether you want to risk it.

I’m afraid this whole ordeal is turning me a little bitter. Please fucking shoot me if I ever pull that “I’ve been hurt too many times in the past” card, because as things are currently looking, I just might. I was talking to someone I just met the other day and I found myself describing how lonely my days were as if I was the Little Prince him fucking self. That’s not how I feel, and more importantly, that’s not how I want to feel, let alone come over as. I am quite happy as things are, and having worked for it as hard as I have, I don’t want to forget it one fucking moment.



I may get a job.

Holy shit.


I may get a job.
A real one.
Part-time, but eat shit motherfucker, it’s a job.

At a cd store. The only job I would accept. It’s a long shot and generally those don’t work out for me, but I am seriously holding my breath in this case. Not just because this was the very first job I applied for back when I quit school, but also because we’ve come a long way already.

The chain has gone bankrupt. One month ago, the situation was as following:
-There might be a buyer.
-My colleague’s girlfriend might want to become store manager.
-She might actually be hired.
-He might choose to work there, as well.
-They might be allowed to hire their own personnel.
-He might ask to hire me.
-They might agree.

That makes seven questions on pretty much all levels of the Belgian economy to be resolved, that would result in me getting the job. Assuming that each of these has two possible outcomes (yes or no), that would mean I had a 1 / 2^7 chance of getting the job, or as Google claims, 1/128.
One in one hundred and twenty-eight.

Currently, we have arrived to logarithmic step numero six. That is to say, he already gave me the promise that he’d hire me, it is now a question of being allowed to do so. SO that means I beat the odds of 1 / 2^5 or 1/30. What I have left before me is two more issues or a 1/4 chance.
What do you mean, obsession? I’m just wondering out loud. I doubt these numbers are correct, anyway…

This would be my first real job since I quit the army, 5 years ago. And because it’s part-time, I would be able to keep my current job and the steady supply of crew shirts and bed-time stories. The only thing I’m worried about is the vacation I’ll have left. I wasn’t planning on any long-term vacation, but still. With my voluntary work all around the year and tendency to go twitchy if I stay in the same place for too long, I just might test these people’s patience more than they are prepared for. Contracts and I go together like testicles and battery acid.
Fingers crossed. I’ll just have to be so awesomepants throughout the year that they can’t fire me without going bankrupt again. The perfect scheme.



So I went and bought me a camera. A case, that is, without objective. It’s a Canon Eos 500d and if I would have gone one step higher, I’d be in the “professional” category. It’s the best thing since sliced bread and soon, it’s mine.

They go in the stores for up to a nearly €1,000, but I found one on eBay for €535. On top of that, it comes with a 4Gb memory card, SWAT looking camera bag, mini tripod, LCD screen protector and a thankyou note from Борис Ельцин him fucking self. That’s over €60 worth of arguably essential equipment on top of a dirt cheap camera, one of the best of its kind, on top of a one year warranty. I think I did a real bargain here. Also one thing I think I should mention:
It’s imported. Which means that it doesn’t go by its standard “500d” name, but instead on the case it says, “Rebel T1i” Beat that.

The next step is the objective. It doesn’t come with a kit lens, which I don’t regret because generally they suck balls. You end up paying for something you will replace anyhow. Instead, what I want to get is a decent, all-round lens that will last me a while. In due time, I think I’ll get me a wide-angle objective, I always figured they would be quite interesting to experiment with.

Now that I got exactly the type I wanted, I intend to know it inside out. I don’t want to end up in a situation where I find a setting on there and not know what it’s for. The problem is, that I’m quite familiar with analog systems, but not digital. To say that the possibilities have increased would be an understatement. Already I’ve been doing some in-depth research and I don’t think I have ever used Google’s “define” anywhere near as much as this weekend.

Regardless, I am very confident about the purchase. As stated above, it’s exactly what I’ve had in mind for several years and all it came down to were the details, which ended up precisely to my liking.
Choosing a lens will be a bigger challenge. I think the best way to go about it is to practice until my fingers bleed, and then determine what kind of lens I want and what I want it to do. It may be second in importance compared to the case, but very closely so. The problem is that I don’t have the first clue.

Anyone willing to educate me?


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