January

Happpy Newyearrr everyone and may you get lots of socks and cash and not die of an HIV infected needle.

Another day, another year. It’s frightening how they seem to speed up as you grow older. When we were kids, every christmas was fucking epic, with presents and a huge christmas tree (for a small kid) and Santa Clause and all that shit. Nowadays, we pay a visit to family, do our round of kisses (three per person this end of Europe) and cause a scene. Because everybody knows Christmas get-togethers always end in a scene.

New years however, is more something to be celebrated with friends and the only reason why it didn’t end in a scene, is because I kept my fucking cool while my ex was around.

Fuck You yes, I’m going to go on about my ex again. If I were my own shrink I’d consider this two leaps backwards so Fuck Me too, You try pulling a plant from its soil and see if it stops nagging without water.

She and I have gone through some rough shit now and then, but when she had to open her yap and speak the words “Harry Potter” without sarcasm, I felt cheated on, all over again. She went on about how some Simpsons episode ruined the ending of one of the books, something only Harry Potter fans really give a shit about, and how, instead of partying, she preferred to sit at home with a book.

I laughed, and gave her a look. “You are such a prude.” She didn’t even know what I was talking about, so I had to explain. “Yes well,” she retorted, “I remember you calling me a prude before,” and everybody knew she was talking about the decades we spent in each other’s beds. She never was very good with her comebacks.
I could have taken that discussion to a whole new level, considering that I had to find out mine wasn’t the only bed she had been seeing, but I snapped my mouth shut and swallowed it in.

It wasn’t easy, let me tell you. Perhaps that’s just exactly what I need: To pin her in one position and explain to her, in vivid detail, what a bitch she is and what exactly she put me through. Because just like her being a prude, she wouldn’t even get what I’m on about- still doesn’t. She found it appropriate to give me back a pair of gloves I gave her four years ago, because “she had her own pair now”.

But I didn’t. Because we weren’t alone, and I’ll be damned if I’ll be the one starting a scene, the drunk uncle who finds his personal grudge much more important than presents or holiday spirit.

Anyhow.
New years resolutions! If you made any, you’re an idiot. They never work. They’re cute because they emphasize the feeling of a fresh start, but if you keep self-improvement reserved for the first of January, you are either perfect as you are or (far more likely) quite the asshole. Hell, I make resolutions twice a day and I’m not exactly a role model, myself.

This is what we do, humans. We tinker and change and endlessly imagine a more perfect future. And, at the same time, we idealize the past. So, we’re trapped. Progress’ constant companion is nostalgia for the way things used to be.

-Ira Glass, This American Life


I just saw “Into The Wild”, an obscenely popular movie about a kid throwing away his belongings, including $24,000 of savings, and ditched to travel the world (well, the American side of it, which is technically a different fucking planet) to end up in Alaska for two years. What I thought of it will surely become clear later on, but that’s not what I want to go into.

The reason people are so horny about this movie is because it invokes a sense of freedom which they otherwise lack in their life, and provides them with a bite-sized alternate philosophy, which they’ll never have. Who wouldn’t want to go out and live carelessly, you know, aside from not starving to death?
Okay since you asked: I found this movie greatly romanticized. Even in the fucking wilderness, this kid somehow wet-shaves and never do you see him struggle to find food. He’s never cold, never begs, end –get this- refuses to fuck
this chick because she’s not of legal age.

That’s not how it works, people. In reality, even dashing young men like him (The world is just full of beautiful people today) only get so far on others’ sympathy and they too have to steal and for fuck’s sake, he would have strangle-raped that girl before she could have said “Twilight Saga”. Which would have been similar to killing Hitler in his youth.

While greatly distorted, movie seem the most realistic to me near the end, when it greatly reminds me of my time in Norway, where I went hiking by myself for a week or so, and my hitch-hiking trip through Ireland and England. While everything is peachy and beautiful, there is no one to share this happiness with and it therefor (seems to) become entirely meaningless. After realizing this, he finds out he is trapped in place by the swollen river (after years of preparation he could have seen that one coming) and soon his supplies run out and after little over a hundred days there, he dies, like normal people do in the wilderness. Did I just spoil the ending for you? There’s always Harry Potter.

Into the Wild, Fight Club, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, Trainspotting. All cult classics, all with a very strong morale and important lessons on how to dig up more from life. Everybody just adores these movies, yet so very few take their lessons to heart. The romanticizing of chaos, freedom and hard-headedness appears to have a strong effect in theaters, but has no grip at all on public opinion outside.
In part, I think that’s a dead shame, because I like to think I have plenty more of those in my life and I feel they have enriched it immensely. When I try to share that philosophy with others, pretty much the same thing happens as in those theaters: They smile and nod and agree, then turn around and go work in a factory, longing for their retirement where they are free (!) to watch TV all damn day.
Movies like these.


 

So I guess I’ll have to demonstrate yet again, that just because they can’t, doesn’t mean that I can’t, either.

This is something I caught myself doing, too: To project the lack of enthusiasm and early stage of problem solving (which is problem detecting) onto anyone with a great idea. “You know how difficult that is, right? I mean, there’s this and that to consider, not to mention all sorts of issues with irritating individuals like myself who seem out to discourage you.”

When you are one of those people –and everyone is sometimes-, learn to shut the fuck up. I’ve encountered your kind so many times in my life, and if there is something holding people back from becoming the best they can be, it’s you. When an idea is proposed and you have nothing to do with it, get that straight and shut the fuck up, your opinion is not appreciated. The right phrase, if any, is “Wow man, I never would have thought of that (because I’m a douchebag). If you need any financial support or discouragement, contact me and I can provide you.” That way you’re still honest, without bringing down someone with better ideas than yours out of sheer jealousy or whatever makes you tick.

With just about everything I’ve done or intended to do in my 26 years, there have been people watching, shaking their heads and yelling their unasked and unappreciated opinions. I bet your ass some dumbshit uncle was watching me take my first steps saying “Are you certain about that? You’ll surely fall.”

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