Drama Queen

Quite the writing pace, hm? I guess I feel inspired. I’ll leave the reason up to you to fathom.

Working on light stencils, I think we’ve been working for about 36 hours coming up with ideas and techniques, building the boxes, making the stencils and taking the actual shot, for around four pictures that really worked. Naturally, it’s a shame when people think it’s photoshopped, but what’s even more baffling is when people ask why it isn’t. When I described the painstaking process of adding color to the whole, someone asked me why I didn’t just use photoshop layers. In fact, why I didn’t just use a layer for the stencil itself; surely there would be some brush or other to add the glow effect?

Several people suggested this, and every time I am at loss for an answer. They’re quite literally asking me why we bother making something genuine if imitation is so easy, these days. To me, the answer is so obvious that it’s basically a non-issue, so when someone doesn’t seem to get it, I don’t really know how to begin to explain.

Not that I don’t get where they come from. It’s not a coincidence that none of those people actually knows how to use photoshop, because you know, it’s such a bother to learn all that so why do it? Surely there’s easier ways.

I’ll give you an easier way: Think of something, or find some idea, think it’s awesome, spend some time considering how fucking great it would be to do something like that, and then forget about it. Let someone else do the complicated stuff, and sit the fuck down and whatever you do… Don’t. Easy, innit?

I wonder then, if these people never get some kind of urge to do something. You know, something creative, something worth showing the outside world and saying, “I created this, every step of the way.” Or you know what- not even that, just… something to pour your self into, fuck what “they” think, anyway.

There are two things (besides the obvious) that I can do that can genuinely make me happy: Writing, and fiddling with stuff. Not because it’s easy or convenient, but precisely because it isn’t. It’s not the end result that matters, it’s the way there. It’s the knowledge, skill and power that we derive from it. Have you ever made a three-dimensional trapezoid? Neither did I, and fuck me is it difficult. That’s shit photoshop doesn’t teach you.

Come on, surely there must be something creative you like to indulge in. Do you draw, make music, code, solder, build things? Would you prefer it if you just had some computer to do all that for you? I really think that if you do, you’re better off dead because you’d be nothing more than an empty vessel. Creativity is what makes us human (yes, so are some animals but not with our kind of determination).

So why did I just not use photoshop? Because I felt like spending weeks developing the idea, days coming up with applications, hours making the equipment, and standing with my feet in the water taking picture after picture after picture to get it right. That’s why, duh.

Sonova bitch and here I thought I had some decent stamina left.

I went to play soccer yesterday with a couple friends, the first real exercise I’ve seen since the World Trade Center was still standing. I used to play soccer in boarding school, and besides making a very decent goalkeeper (I had the guts to jump in the path of cannonball shots) I could do sprints very few could keep up with. I’m still used to that.

Did you know that most addicts overdose right after rehab? They jump back into their known routine though their body can’t handle it anymore.
Same thing happened to me, but you know, playing soccer. Same thing.
I would do sprints and moves yesterday I am technically no longer capable of, and then sort of collapse, gasping for air. When someone asked me if I was alright I thought for a moment and shook my head. My spleen was about to rupture and I felt like I couldn’t breathe. Such drama for a save that didn’t even cut it.

So that was yesterday, and today I helped a friend in the process of building a veterinarian office for his wife, moving first a container worth of debris and then 50-something sand bags of 40 kilos each. My muscles right now, are killing me and it’s not even the next day yet. My “bad” knee is protesting and I’m not even hiking Scotland, and my abs sting with every move.

I suppose that’s just what 9 months of sitting down does to you- Now I know. I think I’m going to start working out, which is by the way something I have never done before. It’s not that I am below average, I’m just at a point where I can’t do what I want to do. Fuck that.


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