Gloat

Something I mentioned: I have this group of friends I obtained through my first ex, who make about six times my usual wage each, have different hobbies, interests and friend groups and are some of the best friends I could possibly wish for. For the past few years, I’ve been a real drag on them because I broke up with her, and they couldn’t invite us both at the same time because in short, we both had a sex addiction to quit “cold turkey”. Man did I ever fail that plan.

ANYWAY Now that we can stand being near each other, it’s her boyfriend that’s now being difficult. I ran into him recently and wrote about it, you’ll probably get the following a lot better if you read back on that.

One thing these friends like to do is organize stuff, which I gratefully take advantage of. It seems they have a limitless imagination when it comes to things to do: Since they all have 9-to-5 jobs I suppose that’s not surprising. So now they’re facing the choice between inviting me and inviting my ex’ current boyfriend. It’s a race in my favor but the shitty thing is that he won’t allow her to come, either, because apparently he’s aware that my dick is bigger. Or something, don’t care.

Instead of choosing this time, they just invited us both and waited to see what happens. Since I recently came to the grand revelation that it’s much less a waste of time to accept people instead of killing them, I agreed to come regardless if he was- Maybe it would give us a chance to do some talking. I would be lying if I stated that my stomach didn’t turn when I heard he would be coming, but I had accepted it.

It didn’t occur to our friends to let the merry couple know I would be there, too. When they did, the two of them were already halfway there. And you know what he did? He turned around and went home. Torn between us and him, she chose him and turned back, too. This news was of course pretty devastating to the friend group, and put me in the position of party pooper.

Imagine being in my situation. Two people just turned back because of you, two friends who were invited. It took me a few minutes but fuck you, I wasn’t going to be the reason for all of this. It was going to hurt like a motherfucker, but I knew what I had to do. I pulled out my cell phone and dialed her number.

She was crying on the phone. After promising I’d eat his face if he ever hurt her, she was sitting outside, crying because of his cowardly attitude. After checking with her, I asked her to put him on.
Putting aside my pride and ego to reach out to him, is possibly one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, especially after the stunt he just pulled. After everything that has passed, I turned out to be the one waving a little white flag. It gave me a foul taste in the mouth, and in all honesty I felt a hint of relief when she passed him the phone, and he hung up without a word.
She called back and explained that it wasn’t accidental, that he had seen my name on the screen.

All these recent revelations, personal epiphanies and fucking milestones all came down to a dead phone, and somehow it made me feel fucking great for the rest of the evening.
Not because he wasn’t there, although that certainly didn’t hurt (I never claimed to be a saint), but because in the end, I showed that I could be the better man. That in itself doesn’t really have much to do with him anymore, I’m just proud because I passed the test and didn’t have to pay for it with a lousy evening. I had to reach out a hell of a lot further than him and I did, while he did not. Even without making the obvious comparison, I surprised everyone with being prepared to do some talking. That speaks in my favor, doesn’t it? The fact that he hung up on me, only emphasized that and made me one proud monkey.

Perhaps next time we’ll get a chance to talk. That’ll be a next step, and a whole new flavor of painful that I’m glad got postponed.
One step closer to dealing with my ex and not having to write about her ever again.


Anything sufficiently complicated can be hacked.

Tell me: What is the most complicated thing you could possibly grasp?
If you said “My own mind since it fits its own capabilities flawlessly” you would most likely be right. If you were to use 100% of your brain for one purpose only, the best it could do is to understand its own carbon state and structure before frying like a broken light bulb.

Most brains tick to the same beat. Our DNA is 99% the same, and we grow up in the same reality. See the same things, hear the same sounds. Feel the same pain, learn to avoid it in the same way. We eat, sleep, live, die, all in the same world. Basically, we are copies of each other and our ways of thinking can be boiled down to chemical processes and physical logic that is identical.

Anything sufficiently complicated can be hacked.
The human mind… can be hacked, on a global scale.

It seems absurd, but it happens on a daily basis. Our thoughts and actions are so predictable that we base global structures on it. And we can be deceived, by magicians and con artists, on a constant basis.

Mindhacks. They’re real, and surprisingly easy. A producer I know is amazingly good at it, because he dedicated his studies on human behavior and how to steer it. I saw him hold out his hand to somebody, who reached out to shake it. He proceeded to lift his hand higher, palm down, and the other followed as if magnetically attracted, without touching, until they reached eye level, where he stopped and accepted the touch. The other person didn’t even realize it was happening until then. I started paying attention to it then, and realized this wasn’t the only trick in his book: Even as you talk to him, you feel an urge to sit down and lower your voice, and adopt his own peaceful demeanor. A remarkable man, to say the least, and I can’t help but wonder what I could learn from him.

Such things have a magical feel to them. Because our thoughts have a pattern, they have certain ”blind spots” where something perfectly normal can happen while we can’t even grasp it. I’m sure you know the experiment where you count the white team’s ball passes? There’s so much that deludes us because we don’t know to look out for it, or focus on something else.

I think that a good knowledge in this game can have some very interesting results. And not just that- they arm us against making the same mistakes, ourselves. If you’ve seen (and realized!) what mass hysteria can do, you will understand the importance of taking a moment and thinking for yourself, or going the opposite way simply for the heck of it. Things like patriotism, religion and morals are much more influenced than you might think and clinging to them to form your frame of reference is extremely dangerous, since you won’t realize it being shifted until you cross the line. Does the Milgram Experiment ring a bell? (Pay close attention to how the scientist urges to continue, these are recurring techniques. I suggest you check the statistical results as well)

We are only still human and every pitfall covered will produce another one, unless we can exceed our own biological shortcomings. Still, I think there’s a lot to be learned about ourselves as both individuals and race by seeing where the glitches are. And just for fun, exploit the hell out of them.

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