Mercy on the Lonely

Anything in caps, read it 4 times, slowly. Every single word. Let’s begin:


People get lonely sometimes. I know I do, quite easily. Ever since my first break-up I’ve been battling this little voice in my head, telling me that I am alone because I’m worthless, to the point where one day, I surprised myself with my own shadow. Just the fact that it was there.

You get lonely too, I know that. I also know that you feel like you can’t share that with anyone, it’s taboo to be unliked- or feel that way. You might want to call out for help, but you don’t. Perhaps you should?
It’s up to you, but if you want to take my advice:

Draw a line and stick to it. Maybe a point in time, a situation, or a decision that should set off a few alarms, enough to make you act upon it and treat it like the threat that it is. Seek help.

I never said loneliness is a good thing, although solitude might be. But it’s nothing to be ashamed of, people just want to make it seem that way because it’s a problem they can solve if they just give it some effort. But they have problems of their own, and effort comes at a high price these days.
We all have someone though, right? If you don’t, try me. If that wouldn’t work, try professional help. Try anything, but try. Open your god damn mouth.

“Finding happiness in loneliness makes you strong. That way, if you are with people, it’s because you want to be, not because you need to.”

It is the general opinion and deepens the shame of the unhappy. Which brings me to my next point:


It’s okay not to be strong. Strength is what people use as their excuse for the comfortable lives they lead, as if they have to build it from scratch every single morning.
Let me tell you though: As soon as people escape a painful situation, they easily forget what it was like and honestly, are in no position to judge it. In other words: People who judge your weakness, your loneliness the most, are the ones who feel neither.

Why would anyone even have the fucking nerve telling you to just, suck it up? Not knowing what you draw your strength from, unaware of your feelings and situation, who the fuck would even come up with this stupid, nonsensical slogan judging anyone in pain, saying they should let go of one of the pillars that makes us human- each other.

They want to be happy alone? Fine, let them be truly alone. They won’t make it, they’ll only feel guilty for their emotional state and its source, making it worse and creating a downward spiral for themselves, screaming how they don’t understand why this is happening to them, ignoring the facts right in front of them.
Don’t make that same mistake. Evolution told us that there’s strength in number, molded us to be social animals. If you’re unhappy alone, you just are. Make a fist, and realize:


Admitting to myself that I was unhappy in my early 20s was a double-edged sword: Negative thought lead to more of the same. But it allowed me to know my place and ultimately, find my way out. And you know how I did it? By reaching out. I accomplished none of that myself, but by embracing those around me. I used their fire to kindle my own, and I found how to do that, by chance. By trying.

There’s a world out there, but we have to fix ourselves first, so we know we can handle it. Not by telling ourselves to be happy regardless of circumstances, that’s not how it works- But by locking arms and knowing we can rely on each other. By realizing that some things make us unhappy, and learning to cope.

There’s much love to go around, even is this cold world. There is NO SHAME in asking some of it, even if it is generally given before you do. There is NO SHAME in admitting to yourself that you are unhappy. There is NO SHAME in showing that you are weak. And there is NO SHAME in saying that you are lonely.

And when you walk again, turn around and pick others up, see if you can rekindle them. And never ever dare tell them, they should “find happiness”, that they should “be strong” and quit feeling “lonely”. This kind of language kills people, and without a doubt, you at least know one name. Don’t be their killer.


One response

  1. Anonymous

    Read about your America adventure yesterday. Really appreciate your no-nonsense writing style! About this piece, i fully agree, havin’ figured this out myself recently, though still in my early twenties myself, i’m daily struggling with it. It feels good to not hear this from some doctor for once, but from someone you actually see walkin around in your life (often with pizza;) ), so thank you for that! You’ve got another follower here! – Indra

    8 October 2014 at 15:49

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