Let There Be Light
And there was Light. And God saw the Light. And it was Fucking Rad.
I signed my contract yesterday. After 2 separate temporary contracts they officially hired me and though nothing changed outside the drawer of some worker at the HR section, it felt like a really big deal. On my way to the city hall, I remember thinking, “Last chance to back out, now. The choice is made right here.”
But really, there was no honest choice involved. This is the way things will go, the continuation of the events that I set in motion when I decided that I would be there for my son, and that have only picked up in speed as I set my shoulders behind them. Today, I can beat my chest and say that I am almost there- almost to the point where I can face myself and say without shame,
I am a father. I am a stage technician. I have done the things necessary to lay the foundation for the life that follows; my own and that of my son. What happens next, nobody knows, but I can face it with my head held high.
That doesn’t mean that I am comfortable where I am, this cocoon likes to stick to me as I break out of it. Many old habits that are obsolete and sometimes even problematic, die hard. I am constantly strongly tempted to ask for exceptions. If I can come later because I live further, if I could be left the fuck alone because I was on the computer too long last night, if I can go home because I have stuff to do next day.
Luckily I can overcome it, but my colleagues catch on sometimes and don’t appreciate me slacking. They won’t let me leave a mess at the workshop and they give me trouble when I am late yet again. I am learning and improving, but there is still much room for such.
It’s hard not to grow bitter and hard headed. When every thing feels like an uphill battle, it gets hard to deal with the people around me and the urge to tell them to shut their yap and just co-operate in the exact manner that I imagine them to, is overwhelming. When I am blamed for a thing, rightfully so or not, I stand up and want to bark back, in the strongest possible way so that they will back off and leave me to my worries.
But today, of all days, the day of Genesis, she called me to the side and told me,
”I must say, I am finding our co-operation exceptionally pleasant. Usually we are kind of left to solve our own problems, but you are really helping us out. I thought you should know that, so you get something back from it, hmm?”
Luckily, these are words that I have a standard reply for: “Thank you very much, that is something I like to hear.”
Luckily, because her words caught me off guard. Just the day before, I was nagging to her that the information they had sent beforehand was by no means complete, and it would be hard to meet their demands in time. I was grumpy because it was coming at the cost of my dinner break.
But it was a nice job: The stage was packed with a mixed choir, providing ample challenge for the limited system of the Museum Theater. They were asking for lightning effects, moods that reflected the songs, all improvised on the spot while keeping 3 microphones and 2 monitors in check.
And I made it work. Learning a few tricks on my lighting desk on the go, I was able to pull it off and the result was very satisfying.
There is something quite unique about doing lights for music. I have compared it to dancing before: If done right, it is both a source and outlet of energy. To have the atmosphere and effects of a musician’s performance at your fingertips, gives you an almighty feeling. Like taking a seat by God’s side, cracking your knuckles, and exclaiming,
”Let there be light.”
And a world is created instantly. There is nothing like it.
And there was light. And it was fucking rad. And to be approached and thanked so spontaneously and honestly, reminded me that I love my work and more importantly, that this love shows through that work. It’s just so easy to lose track of when running from exhibition to theater performance or music show, rarely seeing the actual results of your work and getting few thank-yous for pretty much just doing your job.
Things will get easier, as they have been, but this day was a good one. It had been a while since the last one. It’s been rough lately but I feel like I am emerging on the other side. Things are getting finished, they are stabilizing. The new world is almost done, and we’ll see what we’ll do with it then.
Let there be lights in the vault of the sky, to separate the day from the night. Let them serve to mark the sacred times, and days, and years, and let them be the lights in the vault of the sky to give light on the earth.