Justicia Burns

I was 10 year old and I stood in my grandmother’s living room when I last believed that things would be okay. My aunt was checking on me, seeing if I was up to the challenges ahead of us. I said that I understood that the future would be difficult, but that “good would prevail” at the very end. That things were going to be okay.

24 hours later, I learned that things were not so simple, as I stood crying for all my little worth in my father’s embrace, after being told that my mother was now dead and I’d have to grow up without her. The ground shook and cracked and I fell, and beneath me, I saw hell opening in anticipation for the world to descend.

I have since lost my belief that ‘good’ and ‘bad’, or ‘evil’ if you will, are higher forces that exist on a higher level than our own conscience. Where before I found hope in the idea that there was a higher force driving us towards the everlasting happy end, I now recognize it for what it is: A good chunk of wishful thinking, made believable by the desperation of a mother’s child.
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The Marathon

When I am involved in a production and fill in the archetypal role of the technician (I prefer to call it “the specialist”), I have no inhibitions to step forward and contribute actively to the end product. Many will know, I would literally put my hand in the fire for most jobs I’ve had so far. I take these things very personal.

But as a house technician, things are different. When you have a new production passing through every day and sometimes even multiple, you can’t keep up the sprint that you put down as part of the team. If you want to keep this up for 7 days, a whole season long, you have to eat. You have to sleep. At some point, you’ll have to put your foot down and say, “No. Now I take a break and those things you are panicking about, are your problem, not mine.”
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Pointing the Finger

2016 sucked, I think we can all agree on that. For me, it was marked by 2 milestones, moments that I remember like they were yesterday. It proves my bad memory because the last one happened just today.

The first was the death of Lemmy. I wasn’t just a big fan of his band Motörhead, but greatly looked up to the man himself, more than I realized. His death was a blow strong enough to make me take a long, hard look at my life and discover that his influence on it was significant.

The second was the election of Donald Trump for president, news that made me call out “You are joking” while I was completely alone. From the very beginning, I considered his victory a possibility more than my peers, because it would be the perfect cherry on the irony cake that had been baking since the last few American presidents. And if life taught me anything, it is that fate loves it some irony cake.
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XLR cables, commonly known as microphone cables, are designed to carry a so-called balanced AC electrical signal from point A (generally a microphone) to point B (generally and audio mixing desk). They have a relatively simple task but a big problem in accomplishing it: Electric current is prone to disturbances from pretty much any magnetic interference from fields in the space around it. This means just about every light fixture, cell phones, pacemakers, hell even the sun.

There is a point to this. Bear with me.

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Saint Nicolas Itself

Although I work for a single organisation these days, I do get around. The “Cultuurcentrum Sint-Niklaas” that is the overarching city service and the instance calling the shots, is active in 3 separate locations throughout town (they hate it when you call it a town), ranging from a fully functional, well-equipped city theater to the shittiest parish hall you’ll find in any sleepy hollow. If not here as part of the crew, you’ll find me flying solo at the “Museumtheater”,  the in-between venue in terms of size and relevance.

I ended up there pretty much from the very beginning, when things were hectic and the crew was spread thin across all locations and more, and I just kind of stuck there.
I like it. The work is less one company to another and more human. Also the director is less likely to say, “Oh didn’t you get the email, we need 50 chairs onstage to seat our choir.” The others don’t like the place too much so I am often democratically selected to run the productions there. Read the rest of this page »


Do not skip this. Do not think I am joking.
The following is about a theater play that kicked up some controversy because of its highly sexual content and explicit imagery. Since I am not planning on censoring my content based on this, you better believe there will be offensive language under that line below.
By continuing to read you are agreeing that you are a consenting adult, capable of making your own decisions. Complaints will be met with language much worse.

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Now and Forever

Welp I may as well shut this thing down, because I’m fresh out of things to write. This here, this is my life now. 7 days work, 7 days Czech Republic, 7 days work, 7 days off. Rinse 7 times, repeat indefinitely.

This is how I grow old, and old I am growing. Where I used to wonder what country to visit next (if not Norway), I now have money on my mind. Where I would practice my back flip, I now have to worry about tooth decay and cancer of the colon (how does one muster the courage to see a doctor about that??).

I am an adult now, and I worry about adult things. I have an opinion about immigration issues, and I watch car commercials with interest. I am both startled and extremely bored with this new person I’m becoming. Read the rest of this page »

Compressed Reality

In a year I am too lazy to research, the internet was created and stuff happened and now it’s 2016 and more stuff is happening. The web is now big beyond anyone’s comprehension and has all but become self-aware. Already redundant copies of it are under construction, giving it a fractal nature that effortlessly replaces any pieces of it that might get lost. Not only will the internet continue to exist until all pieces of it are erased, it will also stand through time as back-ups are made at regular intervals. The amount of complete internets stored on computers world-wide would surprise you.

This creates a brand new universe parallel to our own meatspace: One where the physical objects might not exist, but the information about them is stored in accessible databases. Like scaffolding around a building, a structural network is built around pretty much everything in sight of humankind, but also like that scaffolding, it is useless if it can’t be accessed from the building itself: Our reality. Ideally, access points become so many that the support structure becomes part of the building itself.

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Most people live on a weekly basis. A lot of the things they see and do, repeat themselves when Monday starts. Unless some holiday occurs where they get the day off to spend in front of a television, they work like a little horsey for 5 days so that they can consume like a piggy for another 2. Rinse, repeat, retire, die.

Despite my holier-than-thou attitude, I am not so different from this cut-and-paste American dream. The only difference is that my repetition isn’t on a weekly basis, but a monthly one.

Just like theirs though, it starts on a Monday, with an alarm clock murdering my sleep in cold blood and forcing reality upon me. And I too flick some water on my eyebrows (stubborn bastards) and climb in my ‘98 Opel to drive to work. 5 minutes late as usual. Whatever I do, I can’t seem to fix that habit.

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Saint Nicolas

[Note: This post took me over a week to write and relative time references in it are inaccurate.]

If you follow me on Facebook (and you should because I’m interesting af) you might have noticed my latest status update: I found work. And not just any work, no.
When I got back from the United States, I had quite the task ahead of me. Despite all my promises and symbolic efforts, I had made zero progress towards a stable income and a sound financial support for my baby momma. So I got right to work and lo and behold, along came the mother of all job openings: Stage Technician in the city theater of Sint-Niklaas, half an hour drive from home. I applied, together with 30+ other people, 2 of which I knew from classes and work. It was a rat race like no other, with 3 rounds of exams. Within the first 5 minutes, 4 applicants got up and left. The exam was hard.

I made it to 2nd place. In other words, I didn’t get the job and I would get included in the reserve. I tried to take the rejection positively but honestly, it really bummed me out. If it wasn’t for my job coach slapping sense into me, I would have lost motivation for a lot longer. I’m quite embarrassed of that now, in retrospect.

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